My Secret Story of Unrequited Love on Valentine’s Day


Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love

I know I am not a professional in any form of arts. I love drawing, music, singing, dancing but never had the luxury of having a proper teacher for any of those fine arts. I did the drawing above when I was 23 years old. The girl in the drawing, I met in my early 20’s whom I admired immensely and also “loved” truly, deeply madly a lot, not because of her amazing beauty, but because of her charming smile and the refined qualities one can never expect from a young girl of her age. But I never let her know my innermost feelings or at least that I was interested in her. I did not want to lose her as a friend in case she happened to reject my love. She still doesn’t know I “loved” her and probably won’t know it till my death I guess. It is too late now anyway!!!  There’s something terribly tragic about unrequited love. Some have even ended their lives over it. Yet in a sense what could be more romantic? An “untried” love is virtually without limits precisely because, never really having begun, there’s been no time for disillusionment to set in. The beloved — frequently distant, uninterested, unavailable, or unapproachable — can remain an object of indefinite idealization. For there are a few subjects as peculiarly subjective, or ambiguous, as love in general — and unrequited love in particular.

As a lover it’s difficult not to project your boundless feelings of fondness onto the beloved. But when it becomes blatant that these feelings aren’t recognized—and if so, certainly aren’t reciprocated — the ensuing disappointment and hurt can be immeasurable. The famous line, “She doesn’t even know I exist,” is so familiar because the experience itself is so common. Which one of us hasn’t at some point of time experienced the pangs of a love that’s not reciprocated?

It’s no wonder that so many poets have written about unrequited love. For when their emotions have become so overwhelming, so agitating, anxiety-laden, or consuming, how could they not be driven to search for just the right words, images, and metaphors to express — or better, release — such intense feelings?

The song I have copied on the attached page is a Hindi song I fell in love when I first heard and sung by the legendary singer Kishore Kumar in the film “Kalakar” which was released in 1982 – 10 years after I was born. The song is “Neele Neele Ambar Par” and it is still popular and there are some new remixed versions too. But I feel the original sung by Kishore is the best and the guitar music in this song was amazingly creative and beautiful. I tried to learn to play guitar, just to be able to play the long guitar music in this song, but had to give it up as I discovered that I have no aptitude for stringed musical instruments. Earlier I have tried the sitar, esraj and violin with not much success, so I gave up all and stayed with electronic organ.

I found the Hindi lyrics of this song in a Sri Lankan youth’s weekly and it had a Sinhalese translation too. All I did was translating the Sinhala version into English with the limited English knowledge I had when I was 23 years old. I would have done very much better if I did the translation today, but I will stay with what I wrote at first. It won’t make any sense by upgrading it with the newly found language skills I possess now. Although with flaws, I prefer the first translation as it came from deep within my soul.

(Like it happens with most of the nostalgic songs such as this, the original video from the movie does not do the justice to your imagination.)

This will not be of much importance to my readers, but to me it’s of great consequence and importance. The scanned page is now old, torn, disfigured and discolored. But can’t help it. I found it recently in a heap of old documents that were still intact in an old box.

In fact, I drew this picture to present it to the girl that I have mentioned in this article but, I could not muster the courage to give it to her. I am not certain that I regret for not doing so or just be content that it kept in an old box without giving her as unreciprocated love is always sweeter till death. Maybe even after death for that matter.

Anyhow, here are the best quotations I could find about unrequited love. I think you’ll find them not only suggestive, but evocative as well.

  • “To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” ~ Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding
  • “Unrequited love does not die; it’s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.” ~ Elle Newmark, The Book of Unholy Michi
  • “Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: “Why can’t you see who I truly am?” ~ Shannon L. Alder
  • “Unrequited love is the infinite curse of a lonely heart.” ~ Christina Westover
  • “When unrequited love is the most expensive thing on the menu, sometimes you settle for the daily special.” ~ Miranda Kenneally, Catching Jordan
  • “Unrequited love is a ridiculous state, and it makes those in it behave ridiculously.” ~ Cassandra Clare
  • “He could remember all about it now: the pitiful figure he must have cut; the absurd way in which he had gone and done the very thing he had so often agreed with himself in thinking would be the most foolish thing in the world; and had met with exactly the consequences which, in these wise moods, he had always foretold were certain to follow, if he ever did make such a fool of himself. ~ Elizabeth Gaskell, North and South
  • “If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it; that surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die.” ― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
  • “I have to admit; an unrequited love is so much better than a real one. I mean, it’s perfect… As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.” ― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
  • “One is never too old to yearn.” ~ Italian Proverb

(The blurred picture on the top right side is me on the railway bridge just opposite “Madol Doowa” in Koggala. My friend Amal Bopage captured this and I don’t have any of those pictures with me now.)

I never knew today was Valentine’s Day when I got the editing support for the above write up from my  friend, Mr. Lionel Balasuriya, California, the USA last night. It was he who reminded me of the importance of the day hence it would be ideal to post this today.

Nile Nile Ambar Par Chand Jab Aaye – Hindi Lyrics in Romanized English

Song: Nile Nile Ambar Par Chand Jab Aaye
Movie: Kalakaar
Singer: Kishore Kumar
Lyricist: Indeevar

Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye
Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho, pyas dil kee bujha jaye

Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye
Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho, pyas dil kee bujha jaye
Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye

Oh… unche unche parvat jab chumate hain ambar ko
Pyasa pyasa ambar jab chumata hai sagar ko
unche unche parvat jab chumate hain ambar ko
Pyasa pyasa ambar jab chumata hai sagar ko

Pyar se kasne ko baaho me basne ko
Dil meraa lalchaye koyee toh aa jaye
Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho
pyas dil kee bujha jaye

Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye,
pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye

Oh… thande thande jhonke jab baalo ko sehlaye
Tapatee tapatee kirane jab gaalo ko chhu jaye
thande thande jhonke jab baalo ko sehlaye
Tapatee tapatee kirane jab gaalo ko chhu jaye

Saanso kee garmee ko hatho kee narmee ko
Meraa mann tarsaye koyee toh chhu jhaye
Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho
Pyas dil kee bujha jaye

Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye,
pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye

Hey… chham chham karta sawan bundo ke ban chalaye
Satrangee barsato me jab tan man bhiga jaye
chham chham karta sawan bundo ke ban chalaye
Satrangee barsato me jab tan man bhiga jaye

Pyar me nahane ko dub hee jane ko
Dil meraa tadpaye khwab jaga jaye
Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho,
pyas dil kee bujha jaye

Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye,
pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye
La la la…………

සිංහල පරිවර්තනය
(මෙය කවරකු විසින් පරිවර්තනය කළාදැයි නොදනිමි.)

ආදරයේ කිමිදීමට මා සිත ආශා කරයි

මේ නිල්වන් අම්බරයේ සඳ නැග එනවිට,
ආදරයේ වැසි වසීවී – මා සිත කැළඹේවි.
හදෙහි ආදර ගිනිදැල් නිවිය හැකි,
කිසියම් සහකාරියක් සිටීද?
පෙම්වතියක් සිටීද?

මේ උස්වූ කඳුවැටිය අම්බරය සිපගන්නාවිට,
පිපාසිත අම්බරය සාගරය සිපගනීවී.
ආදරයේ කිමිදීමට – දෑතේ වෙලීමට,
මා හද ආශා කරයි.
එවන්නියක සිටීනම් පැමිණේවා.

සිසිල් සුළං රොදක් කෙස්කළඹ පිරිමදිනවිට;
උණුසුම් හිරුකිරණ කොපුල් පිරිමදිනවිට;
උණුසුම්වූ සුසුම්, සුසුම් හෙළනවිට;
සියුමැලි දෑතක පහස විඳීමට මා සිත ආශාකරයි.
එවන්නියක සිටීනම් මා වැළඳගන්න.

ගී ගයන වලාවෝ වැහිබිඳු හීසර එවාවි,
දේදුනු තුළින් පතිතවන වැහිබිඳුවලින්,
ගතසිත පුබුදු කරාවි.
ඒ මල් වැස්සේ තෙමීමට – ආදරයේ කිමිදීමට,
මාසිත ආශා කරයි.
මෙවන් සිහින මාසිත තුළ බිහිවේවි.

My Feeble English Translation

My Heart Long for Dive in Love

When the moon is rising in this azure sky,
It’ll rain the rain of love – my mind will panic.
Is there a partner – or a lover,
To put out the flames of love in my heart?

When the high mountain range kisses the sky,
The thirsty sky will kiss the sea.
My heart long for,
To dive in love – to touch the hand,
If there is one such, let her come.

When a cool breeze touches my hair,
When the warm sun-rays kiss my cheeks,
When the warm sighs sigh,
My mind will like to feel the pleasure of a soft hand.
If there is one such, embrace me.

The singing clouds will send the arrows of raindrops.
I’ll be freshened,
By the raindrops that fall from the rainbows.
My mind will like,
To get wet in that drizzle – to dive in love.
Such dreams will be born in my mind.
(August 23, 1995)

This is a much better translation from https://lyricstranslate.com

In the Blue Sky


When the moon comes in the blue sky
It showers love and makes me desperate
That I have a companion, I have a lover
that quenches the thirst of my heart

When the moon comes in the blue sky
It showers love and makes me desperate

When the tall peaks kiss the sky
When the thirsty sky kisses the sea
To hold lovingly, and sit in snug arms
My heart desires, wish someone comes to me!

That I have a companion, I have a lover
that quenches the thirst of my heart
When the moon comes in the blue sky
It showers love and makes me desperate

When the cool breezes ruffle the hair
And the sweltering sunrays caress the cheeks
For the heat of breath and the softness of palms
My heart longs, wish someone touches me!

That I have a companion, I have a lover
that quenches the thirst of my heart
When the moon comes in the blue sky
It showers love and makes me desperate

The splattering monsoon shoots arrows of raindrops
My heart and body get drenched in these colourful rains
To douse in love, and to finally get drowned
My heart yearns and generates dreams

That I have a companion, I have a lover
that quenches the thirst of my heart
When the moon comes in the blue sky
It showers love and makes me desperate

The Merchant of Venice – William Shakespeare


The Merchant of Venice

I studied “The Merchant of Venice” from Mr. Mahendra Illangasinghe of Mihintale early this year. This is a tragic comedy by William Shakespeare. The play is believed to have been written between 1596 and 1598. The play is remembered for Shylock’s famous speech, “Hath not Jew eyes” and Portia’s speech on “quality of mercy” at the courts. The play is so dramatic that almost every act is equally interesting.

Antonio and Bassanio are very intimate friends. (With today’s standards, some have gone to the extent of speculating that the duo was homosexually attracted to each other but the play says that Bassanio is madly in love with a girl and marries her too. So we can ignore such speculations.)

Bassanio tries his best to win the heart of young Portia who inherits a large wealth from his dead father. Her father had set up a peculiar test for her suitors to select a picture of her from three chests of gold, silver and lead. Many fail but Bassanio finds the correct chest and wins Portia.

The problem is that Bassanio happens to seek Antonio’s help to get three thousand ducats to go to see Portia. Since Antonio’s ships are still in the sea, he has no money but gets it for Bassanio by entering in to a dangerous bond with a miserly Jewish moneylender. According to the bond, if Antonio fails to return the money on time, the Jew, Shylock will cut a pound of flesh from Antonio’s body.

There are sound reasons for Shylock to ask for such a cruel guarantee from Antonio. Antonio’s Anti-Semitism against Shylock for the latter’s cruel interest taking from the debtors and miserly nature leads Antonio to reproach Shylock very badly in public.

However, Bassanio marries beautiful Portia and at the same time he gets the news that Antonio’s ships don’t return and believed to be lost in the sea and the Jew asks for the pound of flesh from Antonio. Bassanio returns to Venice without consummating the marriage to help his dear friend.

Bassanio offers money to Shylock but he refuses it since the due date has passed and insists that he needs the pound of flesh from Antonio showing how cruel he is. However, the case is referred to the court and Portia and her handmaid, Nerissa arrive in the courts disguised as lawyers. At the court, Portia makes a speech that goes down as one of the finest speeches a lawyer makes and wins the case for Antonio.

Court confiscates Shylocks property and he is made a pauper within minutes due to Portia’s arguments in the courts.

I personally don’t understand the importance of the adding the subsequent scene of Portia and Nerissa asking the rings from Bassanio and Lorenzo and asking them back once they change from disguises to their real selves. For, me the play ends with the courtroom scene.

Julius Caesar – William Shakespeare


Julius Caesar

Julius Caesar is one of the tragedies William Shakespeare wrote. I studied it from Mr. Mahendra Illangasinghe, my former English teacher. Julius Caesar is full of power struggles, violence, betrayal, suicide, revenge and war. Though the play is called Julius Caesar, Caesar is not the most prominent character in the play since he happens to die in the beginning of the third act. Mark Antony and Marcus Brutus become more prominent in the play.

Marcus Brutus is Caesar’s close friend and a Roman praetor. Though he loves and respects Julius Caesar he is induced by a group of senators led by Caius Cassius who conspire to kill Caesar to prevent him turning republican Rome into a monarchy under him. Cassius takes great efforts in convincing Brutus that exterminating Caesar is the only answer that is left. Brutus struggles a lot with his own conscience before agreeing to kill Caesar.

Julius Caesar is warned by a soothsayer who warns him to “beware of Ides of March” but Caesar simply ignores him. Caesar’s wife also unsuccessfully discourages Caesar not to go to the Capitol that fateful day. At the Senate, Casca stabs Caesar in the back of the neck when he is least expected such a blow. Other senators join the stabbing game and Brutus is the last to stab him. Caesar utters the famous line “Et tu Brute” (You too, Brutus?) and adds “Then fall, Caesar” implying that he doesn’t want to survive such a betrayal by his own colleagues.

What follows the death of Caesar is interesting. Killers of Caesar are of the view that they killed Caesar for the good of Rome. Brutus too makes a speech to convince the crowd that the killing was done to create a better future for Rome telling that “Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more” which people accept in the first place.

Subsequently, Mark Antony, still a Caesar loyalist, pleads to make a speech to the crowd and starts his famous speech, one of the most effective speeches in the world history, starting with “Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears” and turns public opinion against the murderers. The conspirators flee Rome.

Brutus and Cassius quarrels over killing Caesar but later they are reconciled and get ready for war with Mark Antony and Octavius, the adopted son of Caesar. Caesar’s ghost appears to Brutus that night and warns “thou shalt see me at Philippi” hinting Antony’s possible defeat.

At the battle, the triumph swings between Antony’s and Brutus’s sides but the subsequent final thrusts show that Brutus’s end is near and he commits suicide.

(The play ends with a tribute to Brutus by Antony, who proclaims that Brutus has remained “the noblest Roman of them all” because he was the only conspirator who acted for the good of Rome. There is then a small hint at the friction between Mark Antony and Octavius which will characterize another of Shakespeare’s Roman plays, Antony and Cleopatra. – Wikipedia)

Macbeth – William Shakespeare


Macbeth

Macbeth is the first Shakespearean drama I studied. I first learnt it under Mr. Aloysius a lecturer at University of Rajarata and then under late Mr. Nimal Gunawardhana, a veteran English teacher.

Macbeth is a story woven around a man’s ambition and the repercussions of it. A brave and respected general, Macbeth wins a war against Norwegian and Irish allied forces that was led by the traitorous Macdonwald. When Macbeth returns to Scotland with his friend general Banquo, they meet three witches who prophesy that Macbeth will be the king and Banquo’s descendants will be kings. Macbeth starts to think over the prophesies and is disturbed in to a great extent. The prophesies could be his own feelings rather than witches’ prophesies as we too have seen instances where generals becoming kings or trying to become kings in the recent history.

With the pressure of the prophesies becoming too much to bear alone, he writes to Lady Macbeth about them while going to see the King of Scotland, King Duncan. Lady Macbeth, a vicious childless woman, put venom into the prophesies and plans to kill the ageing king and make Macbeth the King. Macbeth, being a kinder person, hesitates to kill the king after the latter pays a visit to the former’s castle but Lady Macbeth induces him not to lose the opportunity. With much uncertainty and hesitation, Macbeth kills King Duncan and his chamber guards and put the responsibility of the murder on the guards.

Macduff, the King’s loyal Thane of Fife suspects Macbeth but doesn’t show it. Duncan’s sons Malcolm and Donalbain flee to England and Ireland for fear of death as whoever killed the king could murder his sons as well. But Macbeth takes this as an opportunity to become the king as there is no heir to the throne. He also puts the blame of killing the king on his own sons.

Though Macbeth becomes the king as he aspires, he is still suspicious of Banquo, the general, as the prophesies mentioned that his sons will be kings. So, he invites Banquo and his son Fleance to a dinner and in the meantime hires two murderers to kill the father and the son. Banquo gets killed but his son flees the scene. Even though Banquo was killed his ghost haunts Macbeth’s castle and Macbeth is greatly disturbed.

Macduff also flees to England. Macbeth orders Macduff’s castle be seized and sends murderers to slaughter Macduff’s wife and children. Lady Macduff and her young son are murdered cold-bloodedly.

Meanwhile Lady Macbeth, who was the mastermind of the plot to kill the king becomes mad and sleepwalks at night. She feels the gravity of the crimes she was involved in and kills herself.

Kings sons and Macduff get together and raise armies and invade Macbeth’s castle and defeats Macbeth’s army and kill him.

(Malcom, the son of murdered king Duncan becomes the king. Although Malcolm, and not Fleance, is placed on the throne, the witches’ prophecy concerning Banquo (“Thou shalt get kings”) was known to the audience of Shakespeare’s time to be true: James VI of Scotland (later also James I of England) was supposedly a descendant of Banquo.

In the backstage world of theatre, some believe that the play is cursed, and will not mention its title aloud, referring to it instead as “the Scottish play“. – Wikipedia)

THE IMMORTAL BARD by Isaac Asimov


Isaac Asimov

This is a very short yet very interesting short story written by Asaac Asimov, the science fiction writer. In the story, Dr. Phineas Welch, a scientist, brings back the great bard William Shakespeare to the modern times. Read the story to see what happened thereafter.

THE IMMORTAL BARD
by Isaac Asimov

“Oh, yes,” said Dr. Phineas Welch, “I can bring back the spirits of the illustrious dead.”

He was a little drunk, or maybe he wouldn’t have said it. Of course, it was perfectly all right to get a little drunk at the annual Christmas party.

Scott Robertson, the school’s young English instructor, adjusted his glasses and looked to right and left to see if they were overheard. “Really, Dr. Welch.”

“I mean it. And not just the spirits. I bring back the bodies, too.”

“I wouldn’t have said it were possible,” said Robertson primly.

“Why not? A simple matter of temporal transference.”

“You mean time travel? But that’s quite-uh-unusual.”

“Not if you know how.”

“Well, how, Dr. Welch?”

“Think I’m going to tell you?” asked the physicist gravely. He looked vaguely about for another drink and didn’t find any. He said, “I brought quite a few back. Archimedes, Newton, Galileo. Poor fellows.”

“Didn’t they like it here? I should think they’d have been fascinated by our modern science,” said Robertson. He was beginning to enjoy the conversation.

“Oh, they were. They were. Especially Archimedes. I thought he’d go mad with joy at first after I explained a little of it in some Greek I’d boned up on, but no-no-”

“What was wrong?”

“Just a different culture. They couldn’t get used to our way of life. They got terribly lonely and frightened. I had to send them back.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Yes. Great minds, but not flexible minds. Not universal. So I tried Shakespeare.”

What?” yelled Robertson. This was getting closer to home.

“Don’t yell, my boy,” said Welch. “It’s bad manners.”

“Did you say you brought back Shakespeare?”

“I did. I needed someone with a universal mind; someone who knew people well enough to be able to live with them centuries way from his own time. Shakespeare was the man. I’ve got his signature. As a memento, you know.”

“On you?” asked Robertson, eyes bugging.

“Right here.” Welch fumbled in one vest pocket after another. “Ah, here it is.”

A little piece of pasteboard was passed to the instructor. On one side it said: “L. Klein & Sons, Wholesale Hardware.” On the other side, in straggly script, was written, “Willm Shakesper.”

A wild surmise filled Robertson. “What did he look like?”

“Not like his pictures. Bald and an ugly mustache. He spoke in a thick brogue. Of course, I did my best to please him with our times. I told him we thought highly of his plays and still put them on the boards. In fact, I said we thought they were the greatest pieces of literature in the English language, maybe in any language.”

“Good. Good,” said Robertson breathlessly.

“I said people had written volumes of commentaries on his plays. Naturally he wanted to see one and I got one for him from the library.”

“And?”

“Oh, he was fascinated. Of course, he had trouble with the current idioms and references to events since 1600, but I helped out. Poor fellow. I don’t think he ever expected such treatment. He kept saying, ‘God ha’ mercy! What cannot be racked from words in five centuries? One could wring, methinks, a flood from a damp clout!'”

“He wouldn’t say that.”

“Why not? He wrote his plays as quickly as he could. He said he had to on account of the deadlines. He wrote Hamlet in less than six months. The plot was an old one. He just polished it up.”

“That’s all they do to a telescope mirror. Just polish it up,” said the English instructor indignantly.

The physicist disregarded him. He made out an untouched cocktail on the bar some feet away and sidled toward it. “I told the immortal bard that we even gave college courses in Shakespeare.”

I give one.”

“I know. I enrolled him in your evening extension course. I never saw a man so eager to find out what posterity thought of him as poor Bill was. He worked hard at it.”

“You enrolled William Shakespeare in my course?” mumbled Robertson. Even as an alcoholic fantasy, the thought staggered him. And was it an alcoholic fantasy? He was beginning to recall a bald man with a queer way of talking….

“Not under his real name, of course,” said Dr. Welch. “Never mind what he went under. It was a mistake, that’s all. A big mistake. Poor fellow.” He had the cocktail now and shook his head at it.

“Why was it a mistake? What happened?”

“I had to send him back to 1600,” roared Welch indignantly. “How much humiliation do you think a man can stand?”

“What humiliation are you talking about?”

Dr. Welch tossed off the cocktail. “Why, you poor simpleton, you flunked him.”

 

Also watch this video clip from Blackadder, the British sitcom, where Blackadder meets Shakespeare.

Who shortened it to “to be or not to be….? Hilarious! Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie


In this extremely hilarious discussion between Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) and William Shakespeare (Hugh Laurie) where the drama Hamlet is being edited, you can learn who shortened the famous “to be or not to be…” part. Watch this. Worth watching.