I know I am not a professional in any form of arts. I love drawing, music, singing, dancing but never had the luxury of having a proper teacher for any of those fine arts. I did the drawing above when I was 23 years old. The girl in the drawing, I met in my early 20’s whom I admired immensely and also “loved” truly, deeply madly a lot, not because of her amazing beauty, but because of her charming smile and the refined qualities one can never expect from a young girl of her age. But I never let her know my innermost feelings or at least that I was interested in her. I did not want to lose her as a friend in case she happened to reject my love. She still doesn’t know I “loved” her and probably won’t know it till my death I guess. It is too late now anyway!!! There’s something terribly tragic about unrequited love. Some have even ended their lives over it. Yet in a sense what could be more romantic? An “untried” love is virtually without limits precisely because, never really having begun, there’s been no time for disillusionment to set in. The beloved — frequently distant, uninterested, unavailable, or unapproachable — can remain an object of indefinite idealization. For there are a few subjects as peculiarly subjective, or ambiguous, as love in general — and unrequited love in particular.
As a lover it’s difficult not to project your boundless feelings of fondness onto the beloved. But when it becomes blatant that these feelings aren’t recognized—and if so, certainly aren’t reciprocated — the ensuing disappointment and hurt can be immeasurable. The famous line, “She doesn’t even know I exist,” is so familiar because the experience itself is so common. Which one of us hasn’t at some point of time experienced the pangs of a love that’s not reciprocated?
It’s no wonder that so many poets have written about unrequited love. For when their emotions have become so overwhelming, so agitating, anxiety-laden, or consuming, how could they not be driven to search for just the right words, images, and metaphors to express — or better, release — such intense feelings?
The song I have copied on the attached page is a Hindi song I fell in love when I first heard and sung by the legendary singer Kishore Kumar in the film “Kalakar” which was released in 1982 – 10 years after I was born. The song is “Neele Neele Ambar Par” and it is still popular and there are some new remixed versions too. But I feel the original sung by Kishore is the best and the guitar music in this song was amazingly creative and beautiful. I tried to learn to play guitar, just to be able to play the long guitar music in this song, but had to give it up as I discovered that I have no aptitude for stringed musical instruments. Earlier I have tried the sitar, esraj and violin with not much success, so I gave up all and stayed with electronic organ.
I found the Hindi lyrics of this song in a Sri Lankan youth’s weekly and it had a Sinhalese translation too. All I did was translating the Sinhala version into English with the limited English knowledge I had when I was 23 years old. I would have done very much better if I did the translation today, but I will stay with what I wrote at first. It won’t make any sense by upgrading it with the newly found language skills I possess now. Although with flaws, I prefer the first translation as it came from deep within my soul.
(Like it happens with most of the nostalgic songs such as this, the original video from the movie does not do the justice to your imagination.)
This will not be of much importance to my readers, but to me it’s of great consequence and importance. The scanned page is now old, torn, disfigured and discolored. But can’t help it. I found it recently in a heap of old documents that were still intact in an old box.
In fact, I drew this picture to present it to the girl that I have mentioned in this article but, I could not muster the courage to give it to her. I am not certain that I regret for not doing so or just be content that it kept in an old box without giving her as unreciprocated love is always sweeter till death. Maybe even after death for that matter.
Anyhow, here are the best quotations I could find about unrequited love. I think you’ll find them not only suggestive, but evocative as well.
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” ~ Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding
“Unrequited love does not die; it’s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.” ~ Elle Newmark, The Book of Unholy Michi
“Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: “Why can’t you see who I truly am?” ~ Shannon L. Alder
“Unrequited love is the infinite curse of a lonely heart.” ~ Christina Westover
“When unrequited love is the most expensive thing on the menu, sometimes you settle for the daily special.” ~ Miranda Kenneally, Catching Jordan
“Unrequited love is a ridiculous state, and it makes those in it behave ridiculously.” ~ Cassandra Clare
“He could remember all about it now: the pitiful figure he must have cut; the absurd way in which he had gone and done the very thing he had so often agreed with himself in thinking would be the most foolish thing in the world; and had met with exactly the consequences which, in these wise moods, he had always foretold were certain to follow, if he ever did make such a fool of himself. ~ Elizabeth Gaskell, North and South
“If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it; that surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die.” ― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
“I have to admit; an unrequited love is so much better than a real one. I mean, it’s perfect… As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.” ― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
“One is never too old to yearn.” ~ Italian Proverb
(The blurred picture on the top right side is me on the railway bridge just opposite “Madol Doowa” in Koggala. My friend Amal Bopage captured this and I don’t have any of those pictures with me now.)
I never knew today was Valentine’s Day when I got the editing support for the above write up from my friend, Mr. Lionel Balasuriya, California, the USA last night. It was he who reminded me of the importance of the day hence it would be ideal to post this today.
Nile Nile Ambar Par Chand Jab Aaye – Hindi Lyrics in Romanized English
Song: Nile Nile Ambar Par Chand Jab Aaye Movie: Kalakaar Singer: Kishore Kumar Lyricist: Indeevar
Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho, pyas dil kee bujha jaye
Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho, pyas dil kee bujha jaye Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye
Oh… unche unche parvat jab chumate hain ambar ko Pyasa pyasa ambar jab chumata hai sagar ko unche unche parvat jab chumate hain ambar ko Pyasa pyasa ambar jab chumata hai sagar ko
Pyar se kasne ko baaho me basne ko Dil meraa lalchaye koyee toh aa jaye Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho pyas dil kee bujha jaye
Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye
Oh… thande thande jhonke jab baalo ko sehlaye Tapatee tapatee kirane jab gaalo ko chhu jaye thande thande jhonke jab baalo ko sehlaye Tapatee tapatee kirane jab gaalo ko chhu jaye
Saanso kee garmee ko hatho kee narmee ko Meraa mann tarsaye koyee toh chhu jhaye Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho Pyas dil kee bujha jaye
Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye
Hey… chham chham karta sawan bundo ke ban chalaye Satrangee barsato me jab tan man bhiga jaye chham chham karta sawan bundo ke ban chalaye Satrangee barsato me jab tan man bhiga jaye
Pyar me nahane ko dub hee jane ko Dil meraa tadpaye khwab jaga jaye Aisa koyee sathee ho aisa koyee premee ho, pyas dil kee bujha jaye
Nile nile ambar par chand jab aaye, pyar barsaye hamko tarsaye La la la…………
When the moon is rising in this azure sky, It’ll rain the rain of love – my mind will panic. Is there a partner – or a lover, To put out the flames of love in my heart?
When the high mountain range kisses the sky, The thirsty sky will kiss the sea. My heart long for, To dive in love – to touch the hand, If there is one such, let her come.
When a cool breeze touches my hair, When the warm sun-rays kiss my cheeks, When the warm sighs sigh, My mind will like to feel the pleasure of a soft hand. If there is one such, embrace me.
The singing clouds will send the arrows of raindrops. I’ll be freshened, By the raindrops that fall from the rainbows. My mind will like, To get wet in that drizzle – to dive in love. Such dreams will be born in my mind. (August 23, 1995)
When the moon comes in the blue sky It showers love and makes me desperate That I have a companion, I have a lover that quenches the thirst of my heart
When the moon comes in the blue sky It showers love and makes me desperate
When the tall peaks kiss the sky When the thirsty sky kisses the sea To hold lovingly, and sit in snug arms My heart desires, wish someone comes to me!
That I have a companion, I have a lover that quenches the thirst of my heart When the moon comes in the blue sky It showers love and makes me desperate
When the cool breezes ruffle the hair And the sweltering sunrays caress the cheeks For the heat of breath and the softness of palms My heart longs, wish someone touches me!
That I have a companion, I have a lover that quenches the thirst of my heart When the moon comes in the blue sky It showers love and makes me desperate
The splattering monsoon shoots arrows of raindrops My heart and body get drenched in these colourful rains To douse in love, and to finally get drowned My heart yearns and generates dreams
That I have a companion, I have a lover that quenches the thirst of my heart When the moon comes in the blue sky It showers love and makes me desperate
Read below Rudyard Kipling‘s great poem “If.” This is the only thing that keeps me going during worst times I pass. If not for this, I would have given up long time ago.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Having seen some extraordinarily beautiful paintings that were done by a young village lass, I was desperate to meet the artist. She lived in a very remote typically traditional village on the outskirts of Mihinthale, Anuradhapura. I visited the artist personally with a teacher of mine on Sunday the 24 of March 2002. The road to her village was through some beautiful rice fields and a lush jungle. Most fascinating sight was the ancient Maha Kanadarawa reservoir.
Nilminimala with one of her paintings.
We were warmly welcomed by the artist herself, a 20 year old, clad in a traditional dress called ‘cheeththa’. The whole appearance of Nilminimala, the artist, looked more like one of her own paintings. This typically shy village lass had something that most Sri Lankan girls do not possess – hazel eyes. One cannot accept the fact that she is an amateur in painting. The colors she uses, though very cheap ordinary water colors, are amazingly matching. The painting which caught my eyes was the ‘blue lady’s painting done only with different blue shades of the color blue.
Nilminimala with one of her paintings.
She draws oil paintings as well. Most of her paintings depict rural village scenes with shepherds, beautiful damsels, people working in rice fields, girls bathing in rivers, etc. Having asked why she paints village scenes she said, “That’s all I see in and around the village. I’m fascinated by the surroundings. I wonder why the city people mock at these villages for the simple fact that the villages are rural. Yes we don’t have the facilities the city folks have, but we have the freedom and the calmness which you’ll never have in a city.”
I too understood that it is the environment that produced this budding artist. She must be the luckiest person to have a mother who teaches in the village school, and a parent who encouraged the child to choose a field like painting in spite of the fact that such proficiency do not have a demand in the job market.
Nilminimala with one of her paintings.
To my question about her future aspects as a professional painter, her reply was;
“I love painting and I do it for fun. I can spend hours on a painting. It takes a long time to finish a good painting”.
Unfortunately she doesn’t know the real value of her own paintings. She says that her paintings have never been appreciated except by her mother and other teachers who taught her art of drawing.
I showed some pictures that I had edited with a computer and she was greatly impressed and was keen to learn it. Her deep interest indicated that she has the potential of becoming a most talented computer graphic artist too. Buying a computer with the necessary software is far above reach for her.
Nilminimala will be a part of Horizon and Horizon website would be decorated with her artwork with the next update.
P. S.
Unfortunately this plan did not work. Had the plans went the exact way we expected, things would have been very different by now. She could have been the next Picasso. Such a talent going into the waste ………. Life is like that.
Nanda Wanninayaka 